Below are the 13 most recent journal entries recorded in lila_kirtan's LiveJournal:

Wednesday, December 21st, 2005
3:53 am	Entrancing Echo of the Muse's Lyre Dear J., December 21, 2005 i always wonder at the abundance of marvelous, though peculiar, happenings that my life is riddled with. One evening, i was walking into the familiar atmosphere of a local coffee shop, intending no more than to sit there, quietly absorbed in reading. After walking in and gazing around for a moment, i saw an open seat across from a curious stranger, and so i sat down. She was amazing in ways that i could hardly have anticipated, and i found my imagination dancing around her engaging idiosyncrasies. The twisting and turning whirlpools that drew my attention into her eyes kept tugging at the faint strands of fishing line that she had cast into my subconscious. The way she looked into me unlocked long lost secrets that readily cascaded out from the shadowy darkness of my innermost, buoyant and free after many years of being icily frozen there. Her thought seemed as colorful as the blooming buds that spring into aliveness after months of wintry hibernation. It swam through ancient arabesques and extracted the meaning hidden within the encrypted mysteries of chiseled hieroglyph. Then it beckoned cello melodies to trickle from her voice box, undulating Beethovenously as they carried the echoes of these long-ago-earthlings. My heart fluttered in awesome exhilaration as i plucked an accompaniment to the somber tones of her harmonic minor. Oceans of intrigue washed over me and i lost myself within them. i was totally consumed. We meandered into Chipotle to eat a quick dinner. i really felt, somehow, that it wasn’t her and me that sat there eating, but a curious blend of bright-shining companionship. Real togetherness. Friends from another life who might have been tied by destiny had either of us believed in such a thing. Closing time courtesy lead us back into the arctic air that the chinook winds had carried down to us. We walked along together and, in spite of the glacial cold, there was no where on earth that i would rather have been. The dreaded moment came upon me in which i had to let her go careening away from me and the drab’n’gray world that i now inhabit. The window-tint of Saturn eclipsed the sunshine that had peeked into my life that night. Alas! She rode away and again i stood alone. Maybe you felt overwhelmed by the intensity of the conversation that we had and thought that inviting someone that was so wildly expressive into your life could throw off your equilibrium..... or maybe you were just concealing the boredom that you felt. Maybe you thought that i was some sort of obnoxious player, though that seems kinda ridiculous, because nothing could be further from the truth. Maybe you have wilder habits than you let on and you didn’t want to end up hurting me or maybe you were just afraid of getting hurt. i could come up with a million maybes and maybe one could be right, but..... what is the point? Perhaps i should give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that i was given a bogus number on accident, but how often does that happen? I’ve found it rare to meet someone that’s able to draw that much from within me, mixing cat-and-yarn playfulness with mystical insight, though it apparently happens...... and i thought that it happened with you. i thought that i’d found my smiling muse. i wanna know you and spend time with you and explore all of the subtle intricacies that weave you together. i wanna spread my peacock plumage to share the full spectrum of what i am on the inside and invite you to do the same. i remembered your name and wrote you a letter to let you know how i felt. i’m not going to keep bothering you to try to lure you against your will into a friendship that you don’t think matches you where you are in yourself...... but if in me you see a caring friend that could reach into you and help to enliven the deepest essences that are contained there...... we could meet and talk or make art or do Tarot readings..... or anything that comes up at the time..... i hope to hear from you. Namaste, Joshua Current Mood: lamenting Current Music: Heart-String Plucking (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, September 11th, 2005
5:18 am	Fading into the Great Nothing. 5:18 in the a.m.: Spent an evening meandering amid the poisonous ambiance of the Boulder Bar scene. Wandered Pearl amid a sea of strangers that seemed to be swamped and swarmed by plaguing thoughts of escape from their dreary lives (at least they seem dreary to them). Broke away from the streamlining people-river to enter an extraneous tributary of backway labyrinth leading to a stair cliff overlooking a mortal spectacle. A man. Once alive, and now, much less so. Spirit wind allowed to drift from the confines of a physical form for freedom and release. Is today my day, little bird? i shed the snake skin of my history to fall away into the black hole that lies behind me, swallowing all of the was-ness that was. One day it will engulf me and i will be gone, but today, the bright vibrancy of colorful undulations unravel in my form, illuminating how wonderful it is to be alive.....ALIVE..... = ^.^ = .....Good Night. Current Mood: artistic Current Music: Sounds from my house. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 31st, 2005
4:43 pm	Not for the Faint of Heart! Instead of coasting peacefully through fields of pleasant imagery, i found myself barraged by the unrelenting forcefulness of an all-consuming cataclysm that shook me to my core. Within this most terrifying nightmare, i had assumed the precarious character role of a dope dealer that was slingin' weed with Matt Grimm, who was my accomplice (or maybe it was the other way around). He offered me a beer, which he informed me would set the stage for a nuclear holocaust to ensue. As i took my first sip, an explosion ripped through the silence of the parkway that we were in and everything that constituted myself was annihilated. All of the particles composing my body were torn apart in firework fashion, as fission fully consumed me. An instant later, the aftershock radiation burned right through my reconstructed body, initiating the onset of devastating mutations that overtook me. Prickly scintillation began to cover my body and i felt myself converging with cancerous death. i woke up gasping for air and wondering if i was still alive. It took a moment to verify that i actually was. i laid in bed deeply shaken, watching the lingering residue of nightmarish imagery unfolding as cryptic hallucinations on my ceiling. i saw myself die. Now, in the late afternoon, i am still quite shaken from this experience. If you see me, be featherbed soft toward me today. Current Mood: distressed Current Music: Green Day ~ Basket Case (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 15th, 2005
4:54 pm	A Sad and Sweet Goodbye. Emily.... For the longest time, i've been reaching into myself and trying to understand the best way to relate to you, though it hasn't always been easy. Sitting alone in quiet meditation, i listen closely to hear the world vibrating around and inside of me. As i give more and more space to the simple enjoyment of being alive, a mystical experience opens up, but it is often followed by a tender sadness as i long to share it with others. In you, i can see the spark of curiosity that would let you understand, and so i'm enclosing the moonlight that i've carried along my journey. Live in happy balance with the earth and spend your life in sweet enjoyment. Be intelligent while you explore with your nectar detector, listening to discover the True Nature of everything. It is all alive in the present moment, unfolding in these beautiful patterns of being. We are the opening and flowering of these patterns and we carry the traits that we've inherited from our distant ancestors, passing their souls through us in the way that waves climb up onto the shore, pressing out then washing under, back into the ocean where the colorful coral grow. We are the flowing outpore of magnificent creativity seeping from God's mind in a moment of catharsis. Deep Love can penetrate into anything, soak it through and let it smile with sweetness. Oh Emily, i'm going to miss you so much. It's hard to know why it was that you sunk so deep into my heart, but you did. You're amazing! Beauty is everywhere, but i can see it so easily in you; not just on the surface, but in sweetly secret places that may even be concealed from you. i'd share it with you, and i'd share the same from within myself, but i can only enter in as far as there is permission. If you ever invite me, i'll be happy to watch as you spread your wings wide. i'm so sad to see you leaving. i want to hug you and kiss your forehead... and to wish you deep enjoyment in your journey. You'll always have a home in my heart. i love you. Namaste. <3 Joshua P.S. Oh! by the way, here are a couple of quotes that you might enjoy: "to the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world." (unknown) and "when i know i am nothing, this is wisdom, and when i know i am everything, this is Love, and between the two my life flows" ~ Ramana Maharshi Current Mood: melancholy Current Music: Stevin McNamara ~ Yogitar (Comment on this)
Friday, May 6th, 2005
6:35 am	Deep Inhalations (both from contemplating carcinoma and from not smoking) When a person smokes, they inhale thousands of different chemicals that can cause what's called metaplasia in the cilia-celled respiratory tract. Cilia normally sweep mucus in the lungs to cough triggers that help to remove the dust particles and foreign agents that invade. When a smoker bludgeons themself with heavy doses of poisonous smoke, they become metaplastic, reverting into squamous cells, which are of a completely different kind of cell morphology. The cilia are lost and the lungs are much less efficient with ejecting the toxin filled mucus. When the toxins are those found in cigarettes, many of them are carcinogenic, meaning that they cause mutations to the information bearing DNA that codes for all of the proteins in a cell's construction. Once a few genes that are crucial to the cell cycle (DNA synthesis and cell division (mitosis)) are mutated, cells lose their ability to stop themselves from dividing and from making the intercellular connections that hold them in a tissue. They begin to metastasize (wander) through body channels, such as lymphatic vessels and veins, leaving their tissue of origin and wreaking havoc in distanct places throughout the body. This is a fully malignant cancer. The metastasizing cells plant tumor colonies wherever they land, eventually causeing some of the most unimaginably terrible suffering known to humans; to anyone that is afflicted with this horrid disease. Respiratory cancers have the worst prognosis of any kind of cancer: great pain and difficulty breathing until grim death. No known chemotherapeutic technique has been discovered to really stop this category of cancers. Our healthy human respiratory system has an incredibly amazing and ingenious system for maintaining health and homeostasis, but it can't withstand the barrage of poison that smoking cigarette's will inflict. Voluntarily subjecting oneself to these toxic chemicals is the act of slowly committing suicide. Its a deep trajedy. If you are at all interested in learning more about this, you should look up: http://www.cancer.gov/ or http://www.cancer.org/docroot/home/index.asp (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 26th, 2005
1:36 am	Luminous Starscape Opening. Wide and free. I am touched on all sides by that which I'm most in love with; utterly Cacooned in Living Essence that is listening to the quiet rhythms echoing through my hollow Heart-Cave into the Beyond. It gently brings my hands to clasp, expressing True Prayer through me; a soft and tender offering of all of what I am. It moves my fingers as I type and sweeps a rainbow out beyond my mind's horizon. Looking into the distant fields that stretch before my awakened eyes, lucid diamonds twinkle brightly, lusterous and sparkling as they wisper wonder into all they reach. Namaste. Current Mood: grateful Current Music: none, but I watched American Beauty (Comment on this)
Friday, March 25th, 2005
3:47 pm	Ballooning Expansion of the Universe Space, expanding into greater and greater wideness, currently feels no constraints to its expansion. It has a natural flexibility that allows it to stretch, but is there no limit to how turgid it can swell? Lungs long deprived of inhalation acceleratively pull air into themselves, but when they begin to approach the limits of their filling, the quenching of their oxygenless gasp, their inhalation slows and prepares to turn around. They reach sublimity, broad and full, then exhale and release. The universe, gloriously spread, retracts toward its origins, for one must breathe out before breathing in again...--> :) Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: Radiohead ~ OK Computer (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 24th, 2005
8:48 pm	A Spontaneously Flowing Stream of Consciousness Deep Knowledge flowers with abundance inside all who open themselves to the ever penetrating recognition of Impermanence. Dancing energies weave into a seamless fabric to produce what is seen as selfhood. Lightness of being reveals the living quality that is continuously present within the unraveling newness. The solidity that an ego fearfully projects onto Reality crumbles away and is absorbed in the excitedly bubbling magma that washes over each nectar-drinking meditator. All of what they are is dissolved in this ever flowing lava stream. There, within its weaving currents, delicate beauty crystallizes into the organismic forms that populate this and any other world. It was the distillation of wonderous essence through endlessly unfolding millenia that coalesced into us, a peculiar breed of thinking monkey, wired to weave wildness into our fluid outpour of intelligent creativity. Curious and explorative, we proliferatively spread to all of the continents, wondering what lay beyond each colorful rolling hill to which we came. Humans are reaching a ripened maturity with which we can spread our seeds among the stars and colonize the fertile planets that have been congealing there. Current Mood: calm Current Music: Yulara ~ Cosmic Tree (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, January 10th, 2005
1:04 am	Again the Wake of Finnegan Stand soberly psychedellic, expressing all the bountiful nectar sweetness that's enveloped within the tangible living relic melting morphologically into spiral heiroglyphics. Philosopher's stone encrypted with the hidden magical mystic map that's pointing out the trap that claps upon your bare foot (bear foot!); nightmare scare static makin limp hair shoot skyward til it parachutes and ear begins to open to soak in somber sounding flutes. Wandering in Truth to taste a swelling sacred fruit; growing liquid absolute. Climb chromatic vines that wind around the spine of God, then whistle and applaud when your paws reach the peach that enlightens all who eat. Sparkling citrus celebration of the minutes when the Intelligent core pores out the boundless infinite. ....an intimate loving hug from a bug become initiate. Hope you Enjoy... Namaste....:) Current Mood: Citrically Sparkling Current Music: Golden Child (resonating rhythms) (Comment on this)
Saturday, December 25th, 2004
11:51 pm	Sparkling Scintillation i just had a beautiful phone conversation with this li'l woman (sweet liquid nectar for a humming bird) and when we got off, i looked at the time on the phone and it said that we had been on for about 2'n'ahalf hours. We lost ourselves. Deep examination with refined focus and clear resolution. Conciousness expanded telescopically and a wide array of neural synapses exploded with bursts of sensation. Wide regions revealed to open attention. Love, ohhh LOVE. Quiet tenderness without any hidden agenda hiding behind the celophane screen of ego. What ego?!!!! No ego, only openness. Embodiment of the brilliant light pouring into the Universe from the Beyond; a temple for spirit to dwell in. Living Art, seething and vibrating. Ha! here i am. ha Ha! here I AM!!!... :)0(: Namaste Current Mood: ecstatic Current Music: Braille (Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 1st, 2004
11:48 pm	Untangling the Roots Every crooked politician, gangstar rapper, metal-head, vandal, bully, or criminal is just as much a product of their culture as a producer of it. Whenever a person tries to slander another that doesn't live into their standards and projections about the way that things are, they lose sight of the ways that they've contributed to the culture that constructed all of these poisonous influences. If you drive a car, you are directly contributing to global warming. Your garbage is packed into the landfills that make our drinking water toxic. It is the armoring around our hearts that reinforces our collective disaffection, indifferance, and apathy, which is truly at the source of society's malaise and discontentedness. If you want to offer wellbeing to others; if you want to bring a new and purified cleanliness into our collective consciousness, you must begin with yourself. Inwardly inquire about the nature of your own suffering, and let caring warmth stretch throughout your being. Only then will you be truly capable of letting the same extend to others. We cannot survive if we don't do this.... Martin Luther King Jr. said that "The choice is no longer between violence and non-violence. It is between non-violence and non-existence." As long as we are habitually perpetuating our wars with others, we will be watering the seeds of violence in ourselves. Until we go inside to examine the roots of our conflict, the battles will rage on. Letting the gently caring quality of mindfulness calm the issues that arise inside is true meditation; is true enlightenment, and is at the source of all that is true of any religion.... Namste. Current Mood: okay Current Music: The Cries of the World (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, November 29th, 2004
6:44 pm	The Essence of Organic Chemistry! The notion that there are continuously transforming geometric shapes pervading the vast diversity of the natural world, and that there are subtle, mathematical principles that lie at the roots of this expressivity is aesthetically enriching and reassuring. We, as analysts, are not autonomous intellects, floating around as extraneous observers outside of the universe's workings. We are enmeshed within this jungle of creativity, arising as gestures of a psychedelic enteleche that has focused its attention into the development of the mammalian form and the sculptural refinement of the human mind. Mankind is a vehicle through which the Magellanously explorative consciousness of the Universe is able to ponder its own nature. To attune to the humming aliveness of the surrounding world and to instantaneously feel the sparkling beauty of the swirling cytoplasm in your body is to recognize the vibrating essence of what Organic Chemistry really is. A seething Kaleidoscope. Natural religion. God! Current Mood: Hello! Current Music: The Humming Ommm that I came from (Comment on this)
Monday, November 22nd, 2004
11:32 am	Fish Swimming in the Great Barrier Reef There is a kind of courage needed to really look inside. Looking inside, without turning away from all of the things that don't feel comfortable and warm, is as dangerous as anything can be, because it reveals all that we have been trying to avoid seeing. Cataracts for the heart-mind eye dissolve away and we see Truth as it is, stretching throughout our being. Truth does not yield to our shallow desires for control, and petty self-aggrandizement. It can seem most frightening and terrible to one who does not want to see Reality, but it can also be the kindest friend to one who willingly gives it access to penetrate into every hidden vestige within. As long as we carry our issues inside of us, they remain locked into our systems, protecting us from seeing into the nature of our real self. Shield and chainmail! At the moment in which the world imposes itself on us, we retaliate and lash out. Sickle and sword! We reinforce the perceived need for a shield and chainmail in everyone around us. Giving room for reality to be is to strip away all of the layers of armor that we use to prevent ourselves from being pierced. In an instant of unconditional surrender to the fullness of Truth, you will feel the sharpest guillotine blade cut through all of your layering, at every angle. Then, fluid honey nectar essence comes flooding from your innermost; spilling into every pore so that you are bathed in beauty; washed into the ocean's wide expanse. Kaleidoscopically colorful coral reefs expand endlessly in every direction as flowering mandalas made of liquid Love. This is what we are made of! We are all embodiments of this luminous loveliness. Namaste. Current Mood: rejuvenated Current Music: Cold Play ~ Parachutes (Comment on this)